My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
