I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
