dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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