I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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