You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
