i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
