He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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