Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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