C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
