I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i need some magic done to my vagina
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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