So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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