never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
