Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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