do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
