you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
