If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
