DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
