My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
