I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
