You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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