Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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