I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
