Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
