just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
