it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
