The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
