thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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