he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
