I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
