I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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