he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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