dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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