This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I have demons in me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
