we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
