two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
