apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
