my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
