jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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