I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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