the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
