Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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