I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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