I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
