I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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