Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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