I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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