Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
