Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
