at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
