I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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