whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
