i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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