Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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