And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
