you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
