I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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