What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she pinky promised me she was 18
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
